Chrissy Teigen pens heartbreaking letter after losing baby Jack
28 October 2020, 09:46 | Updated: 28 October 2020, 12:53
Trigger warning: Distressing content. The model was five months pregnant when she lost her son Jack.
Chrissy Teigen has penned a heartbreaking essay about the loss of her son Jack, just weeks after losing her baby boy.
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The 34-year-old model and cookbook author has spoken out for the first time since the tragic ordeal in a letter posted on Medium.
"I had no idea when I would be ready to write this. Part of me thought it would be early on, when I was still really feeling the pain of what happened," began Chrissy, before thanking her friends, family and fans for their kindness during this time.
"I thought I would sit in the corner of my bedroom with the lights dimmed, just rolling off my thoughts. I’d have a glass of red wine, cozy up with a blanket, and finally get the chance to address “what happened."
"Instead, I’m writing from the downstairs couch, still cozied up in a blanket but buzzing from a morning of friends and fried chicken. I’m reading off countless notes from my phone — thoughts that have randomly popped up in the weeks since.
"I didn’t really know how I would start this, no matter the room or state I was in, but it feels right to begin with a thank you. For weeks, our floors have been covered in flowers of kindness. Notes have flooded in and have each been read with our own teary eyes.
The model thanked those who sent her messages and shared their own personal experiences after she first shared the news on social media almost a month ago.
Chrissy recalled being in hospital and hearing others around her cheering in the halls of labour, with husband John saying, “What, is there a f***ing party going on here??”'
"I was about to fully deliver what was supposed to be the 5th member of our beautiful family, a son, only to say goodbye moments later. People cheered and laughed right outside our door, understandably for a new life born and celebrated. You kind of wonder how anyone is thinking about anyone but you," she wrote.
She revealed that doctors diagnosed her with partial placenta abruption, and was taken to hospital after bleeding an abnormal amount. After many blood transfusions, Chrissy recalled the moment it was time to say goodbye to her baby.
"Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning. I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness," she wrote.
The author admitted she doesn't care about the backlash of he taking photos during the ordeal. "I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like," she said.
Chrissy said she was grateful for the acts of kindness from strangers and thanked husband John for being "my best friend and love of my life."
"A lot of people think of the woman in times like this but I will never forget that john also suffered through these past months, while doing everything he could to take care of me. I am surrounded, in a human therapy blanket of love. I am grateful and healing and feel so incredibly lucky to witness such love."
Read Chrissy's full essay here. Our thoughts are with her and her loved ones.